I have this mental problem where something gets stuck in my head and I cannot stop thinking about it; it literally ruins my day and I feel like shit. So recently I took my son to a new barber, he has been going to a barber since I fucked up his hair once when he was one. The barber cut my son’s hair into a Mohawk (he asked for one) but when he was done it was not quite right. I asked him to trim down the middle and clean it up but he did not do a good job. When it was time to pay I handed him a $20 and was expecting change but he said thank you and sat down and did not offer me any change. When I walked past his shop a week ago he quoted me $15.
I did not say anything though.
So since that time about 4 days ago I have been totally beating myself up and I feel like shit every time I look at my kids shitty haircut that I overpaid for. I feel like I was being scared and weak because I did not defend my son or speak up when I knew I was being cheated. I am good about speaking up sometimes but in the moment I was paralyzed. I can’t be like this though and theoretically I was only cheated out of $5 but this is not the point. I should not be cheated out of a penny especially when I not getting exactly what I asked for.
This is all very anxiety provoking for me though and I don’t know how to turn it off because I should just let it go and resolve to do better next time. I really hate this feeling though because I cannot stop that little voice that is calling me a piece of shit mom.
I am really going to do better though I really have to remind myself of the consequences of not defending myself. Namely ME beating MYSELF up for things I should just let go. I am also going to buy a set of clippers and cut his hair myself from now on; I let one bad experience turn me off from that forever. I am also going to start plucking my own eyebrows; I always feel like they do a shit job on me. Bank of America charged me $30 to stop payment of a check so I am taking all of my money out of their bank.
I am not being random I am just tired of being ripped off and cheated. Times are rough for everyone but that does not mean its ok to take money and not provide the service you are paid for.
Ok, enough complaining I wrote this to help me feel better.
I spent $18 dollars on nail polish. Glitter gives me such a big hard boner and this was like no other glitter polish I have ever seen before. I kinda got it to reward myself for getting ANOTHER JOB! But really since I am working so hard in social services I should try to save money right? Sometimes I feel like it does not matter though I am never going to get rich being a non-profit lackey so why not brighten my bleak world with some fucking $18 glitter nail polish.