hard questions

Valentine’s Day is Coming: Not for me though!

Posted by Anti-Jemima on January 28, 2013
Posted in: fat girl follies, hard questions, humans, sex. Tagged: , , .

This chick is fatter than me


Is there someone for everyone? I don’t know but I am pretty sure at this point I may be single forever. In the last 10 years I don’t think there has been a man that has showed a genuine interest in me. There has not been one man besides my ‘shitfuck babyfather’ that I have had a relationship with; in hindsight I did not even have relationship with him as he was just using me. That leaves me today in a weird place; am I single because I am fucking disgusting or because I believe that I am? I was the fat chick that never was asked out or even had a dude show interest that was not purely sexual. So I cannot even think about being in a relationship; it literally pains me. So I think I have a lot going against me in terms of attracting a mate, I feel really unattractive, I’m insecure, and distrustful. But ugh is it all really my fault? Am I imagining all the disrespect and slights; I have been called ugly to my face so many times. Anyway enough whining I have to be OK with being single, I have this boy to raise and that’s the most important thing.

OBAMACARE!!! Good or Bad?

Posted by Anti-Jemima on June 29, 2012
Posted in: government sucks, hard questions. Tagged: , , , .

I have not been following the whole “Obamacare” thing because I don’t want to waste energy on shit that I have no control over. So here are a few videos that explain it; to be fair I am going to post pro and con videos.
IMHO though, we really going to trust the government to be in charge of health care? It’s known that they don’t give a shit about the people so any reforms or “bailouts” benefit corporations. Any government involvement in health care is going to be a disaster; just watch.

AGAINST IT!

AGAINST IT! Not to be crude but I laughed when Obama pushed her off the cliff.

FOR IT! To be fair there were not many videos that were coherent that were for it.

Tupac Hologram: Is it Spiritual Slavery?

Posted by Anti-Jemima on April 18, 2012
Posted in: dead celebrities, hard questions, humans, News, youtube. Tagged: , , .

I am by no means religious and it has been many years since I have been to anyone’s church for any reason. I am very spiritual and suspicious and have a lot of weird ideas like most people that grow up lonely do; with all that being said here are my thoughts on the Tupac hologram and death in general: I believe your life affects your afterlife; I am not sure what happens there but I am sure there is one. Tupac had a very tumultuous life and many of his songs were about getting murdered or violence. When you die in such a way; it is important to have people positively hold your memory and work through the tragedy and this helps put your energy (soul) to rest. In Tupac’s case he died and his energy has been called upon negatively probably a billion times through his music and image. We have this flesh but we are all just energy when the flesh can no longer maintain the spirit the spirit just does not go away. Think about the saying to ‘conjure up spirits’ it’s a term that is in our common language but we never really think about. In life and death we have the ability to manifest through our emotions; when you listen to a Tupac song and you feel that ‘fight energy’ you are conjuring his spirit on a small scale.
So Tupac is definitely dead he no longer walks this earth in flesh but his spirit is still here; and working! A hologram is not real but a more tangible way to conjure up his spirit; more and more people calling upon him; he is not resting in peace. They are talking about putting his hologram/spirit on tour to spit out the same tired ass ‘gansta rap’ junk that has been recycled for the last 20 years. It is possible though that Tupac is enjoying his resurrection though if not it will be a hundred years before he can ‘rest’.

Family Ain’t Family No more

Posted by Anti-Jemima on March 19, 2012
Posted in: drugs, hard questions, Make the most of all this sadness. Tagged: .


My Grandfather died a few weeks ago and the whole debacle with his illness and death is a testimony to the breakdown and dysfunction in my family. My Grandfather was a hard working man and had built up a pension and was living comfortably during his retirement. When he got sick he moved back to California to be near his family but he made the mistake of putting my crackhead uncle in charge of his affairs.
Something about crack that makes people really mean and awful; because he and my GP have the same name he has been able to drain all of his accounts. I would not feel so bad if the money was going to keep my uncle and his kids comfortable but it’s not; it’s all going to the dope man.
Anyway I try to reconcile it all that neither of my GP’s are senile; they both know my uncle is a crackhead and they put him in charge. Also I am just a grandchild and I don’t have much say seeing as they have living children.
My uncle decided not to have a funeral I am guessing because he wanted to hide the fact he is dead so he can continue to drain his accounts. I was going to write an obituary and put in the paper but I just decided to stay out it. It won’t change anything my uncle still going to be hitting the crack pipe and my grandmother still going to go along with it all.

Would I have SEX with Chaz Bono?

Posted by Anti-Jemima on December 21, 2011
Posted in: hard questions. Tagged: , , , .

I like to think that I have some knowledge of people that identify as transgendered so I will give my thoughts on the above video. Chaz Bono will have no problem finding a woman because there are tons of women that consider themselves straight that look for men just like Chaz. I have a friend that prefers to date trans-men and I asked her why she simply stated “I love being with a man but with a trans-man you get the best of both worlds; their energy is different”. In terms of the sex I think men put too much stock in their sex organs my friend also told me an exciting part of sex with a trans-man is that you can choose the dick; and most trans-dudes have a wide array of strapons to choose from.
Chaz is not what I would consider attractive, his gut and triple chin scream unhealthy and that’s a turn off but he might have a good enough personality to pull it off. I bet Chaz has money too; so just think about all these unattractive rich dudes with hot chicks.
In this video and in general I hear people say things like, it’s not a lady/man it’s just a lady/man with no tits/dick. I have no idea what its like to wake up daily and feel as if you are the wrong sex so I cannot be as dismissive; and I for sure don’t want to compound people’s issues with my opinion where is not warranted. So Chaz is a man if he says he a man. I am sure he is beating off ladies with a stick but good luck weeding out the crazies.
To answer JuneBugObama’s question I would totally date a trans-guy if I found one worth something; but as we all know, good men are hard to find.

Black Women Want to be “Blonde Barbies” WTF!

Posted by Anti-Jemima on December 14, 2011
Posted in: hard questions, humans, youtube. Tagged: , , .

First I want to say that people should do whatever they want or get away with in terms of personal style BUT (this is a big BUT) this black woman “blonde Barbie” movement is ridiculous. Black women in America have always been very stylish and versatile and the blonde thing just did not start in 2011; just think of someone like Etta James who had bleached blonde hair back in the olden days. Today though it seems to be more about a rejection of “blackness” in favor of becoming something plastic and unnatural and not just a fashion statement; when I hear black women stay stuff “blondes have more fun” or “I’m a Black Barbie”, I just SMH. No matter how much you dye, bleach, and weave your scalp you are not blonde.
Who else does this besides us Black Women; I have never seen a White chick with an afro wig calling herself “White Kisha”. Even with the natural hair movement that’s happening there is still strong vein that runs through the Black community that feels that to be successful and desirable you have to reject yourself. The result is that you have people like Nicki Minaj and Beyonce that are role models and perpetuate the idea that to be a successful woman of color you gotta get rid of the color.
Whatever, at the end of the day people are free to dress and style themselves anyway they see fit.

FUCK my Masters Degree

Posted by Anti-Jemima on December 9, 2011
Posted in: employment, hard questions. Tagged: , .

I almost signed up for school but then I thought better of it; sitting in a classroom for anything is a nightmare for me. I am at a crossroads though I need to something and my liberal arts degree is dookie. I just can’t realistically see myself babysitting rockheads, tweekers, and mental cases for the next thirty years. So in desperation I was thinking that I would go back to school and learn a trade or something. School is such a fucking scam and you spend most of your time memorizing shit just long enough to pass a test then you forget. So now what?

I am thinking about volunteering as a child advocate for the court system but that would be a full-time job for no pay and most likely would be thankless. So my decision so far is to keep writing and see if anything happens. I mean I am going to try to treat writing like a job. It’s the only that I do in the way of tasks that makes me feel somewhat decent inside; I never walk away from the computer feeling dejected and overwhelmed (unless I am reading the paper).

Anyway life is short I don’t wanna spend my life making decisions just based on how much money I can make. I want to be successful but I am taking a stance and not putting myself into a trap.

Evolution for Dummies

Posted by Anti-Jemima on September 23, 2011
Posted in: hard questions, humans, News, San Francisco. Tagged: .


Excerpt of the message board discussion, click to enlarge

Basically I don’t believe in evolution and not for religious reasons. I just find that natural selection cannot account for all of the evolution and diversity among humans.
I believe that there was divine intervention in the creation of life on earth but I think we humans are a byproduct of something more spectacular that is going in the universe. I know it sounds crazy but it is something I feel is more real than some scientist telling me I am evolved from an ape.
People treat scientists like they always have altruistic motives when for the most part they are looking to line their pockets with cash like everyone else. Just think about all the junk science that has been debunked over the years; there were studies that said cigarettes were good for you!
I am not saying science is not valuable; science allows me to blog and use the internet. All I am saying is that with things like evolution people should be allowed to have their own beliefs it’s not like we interview any ancient hominids and ask what they were up to. American is supposed to be the land of the free but these days people are such robots you are labeled an idiot or a bigot if you don’t parrot every view from the official script.

There has got to be MORE to life!

Posted by Anti-Jemima on September 1, 2011
Posted in: hard questions, Make the most of all this sadness.

What the fuck am I doing with my life? Time drags on and I feel like I am not really accomplishing anything just existing. I just wonder exactly what the point of it all is. I know I am supposed to go to work and make money but doing what I am doing I am never going to get rich enough to do shit besides work more. Adult life is this endless cycle of things you have to do just because you have to.

If I could do anything I want I would move into a big house, travel, spend more time with my son and teach him the things I want him to learn. As it stands now my boy spends more time with the babysitter and I live in a small apartment that I pay to live in by doing work that drains me.

Anyway I am pretty sure that there is more to life and that one day I will find peace; this is what keeps me going.

Another day another addict……

Posted by Anti-Jemima on August 22, 2011
Posted in: drugs, hard questions, humans, Make the most of all this sadness.

What’s wrong with this picture? First this dude is laid out with a broken leg, you can’t really see but his dick is exposed, and lastly there is a can of computer duster stuck to his hand that he has been huffing. It may seem kind of mean to post pictures of random losers but I know this guy! Which brings me to the point of this post: I am done torturing myself with users and abusers I have sprinkled throughout my life.

So I have mentioned my friend/neighbor a few times but basically he is a 47 y/o gay man that has a lot of substance abuse problems (alcohol and meth). I am not sure how we became friends but he use to be a porter in my building before he got fired. I am so distrustful of men but he can be really a good dude when he is sober. In the beginning he had a lot more sober time than dirty but now all that has changed. More often than not he is coming down off of meth or drunk. When he used to call me all paranoid off of meth I set the boundary that he could not call me ever if he was like that. But as he has started using more and more his behavior is getting worse; he is doing shit like having strange dudes come to his apartment that pull knives on him and such.

I asked him to walk me home from work because I got off late and he showed up shit face drunk. It was so embarrassing he kept grabbing my titties and ass and I was literally begging him to stop. He is gay but that did not make me feel less violated he was grabbing me hard. He calmed down a little bit when we made it to the sitters to pick up my son but completely lost it by the time we made it our apartment building. He went off on some racist tirade against Asians and was so belligerent I could not believe it was the same person.

The next day I confronted him about what he did and he completely blew off how serious it was and basically said that something that I did prompted this behavior. I could not get over the fact that he could not even pull himself together for an hour to do me a favor when I have been going out of my way for him for years.

Then I had to turn the mirror back to myself and ask the question, when will I ever learn? This is not the first time I have been disappointed and hurt by an addict, why the fuck is this dude in my life? So basically I told him I was done and that unless he could get clean I did not want to be bothered. I am really done with trying to help people that don’t want it; unless its work related.

The last time we spoke I texted him the above picture of his BF I randomly saw lying on the sidewalk; these are the type of people he hangs with. Also when I say I am done I am done; the door was left open a little in that I said ‘if he gets clean’ but he ain’t never gonna do that.