I wonder if I ever will be in love? The last couple of months have been a real eye opener; I have had a lot of encounters with shiftless no account dudes. All they want to do is fuck they not even giving me the chance to settle; not that I would anyway. We all know about ‘Random Dude’ but I don’t have negative feelings about that guy because he was really straight forward about what he wanted and I did not expect anything. I hate it though when people try to play you for stupid and try to trick you into some shit or treat you like a practice hoe (being treated like a prostitute without pay).
I mentioned a few months ago about this older guy that works in my building that was interested in me. We exchanged numbers and after a few months of texts and failed attempts to meet up, I figured he was married or something and moved on. I would still see him around the building and say my cordial ‘hellos’ but I did not have any feelings about it either way; plus he was not even my type.
But surprise surprise, while I was on vacation I started getting texts and phone calls from him out the blue. When I finally answered it was more annoying small talk, just please tell me what you want. Personally I think that this is growth on my part because in the past if a guy took the time to text or call I would get all excited but as we all know actions speak so much louder than words. So the Maintenance Man and I tentatively made a few dates to meet up for dinner; like I said he is not my type but I felt like a date would not hurt; but he flaked each time. So all of a sudden a few weeks ago he starts knocking on my door in the middle of the day this happened at least 7 times in 10 days. I was like “what the fuck”, so finally he calls me and is like “I come by your house how come you don’t answer the door”? Really I don’t know this dude from jack shit, why would he want to come in my apartment for? So I politely explained to him that if I don’t expect company I don’t answer the door and I am busy during the day if I am home. So sometimes I feel I am overly suspicious and profile most men as predators so I gave him another out to redeem himself of the idea I had of him; that he was another fucking loser looking for cheap sex and was not really interested me as a person. So I again asked him “do you want to meet for dinner or something”, and do you know what this motherfucker told me? “No, I was just wondering if I just come to your apartment for a cool drink of water”. Fuck you asshole, ‘cool glass water’ equals ‘quick head on your lunch break’; GTFOH! This is one example of what I have been going through but I could mention at least three different men that have stepped to me the same way.
I know men don’t want to be seen with me in public because I am not attractive but whatever; I am not going to be cum dumpster. So at this point I have given up on a relationship, I am not saying that I will never have sex but it will be on my terms. The hard part is that from experience I know sex is not good without an emotional connection but people are too busy scheming for easy sex to get to know people.